sound judgement
Sound judgement and clarity come when our bodies and brains are well nourished with food water and positive thoughts, when the bare necessities are met, we can go on to more abstract issues. Being tired, malnourished, dehydrated and hooked with ill thinking people, is no way to fix the problems in our lives. People tend to follow good examples, people who have evidence that they follow their own advice. You can become an eviable and respected person by taking control of your life and the thoughts that churn around in your head. You stated yesterday that your life was good. It doesn't sound good. It sounds tormented. I would start with a complete physical from a medical doctor. I would call Alanon and speak to them about what you could expect at a meeting. I would pick up some books that I'm sure they could recommend. Get yourself around some people who will listen and support you. Your recovery is your testimony, it is the evidence that the rubber meets the road with you.