Do you have to abstain once you've crossed the line or can you go back?
That's what I'm so afraid of is the mental obsession. I feel I'm better to always tell myself I can have a drink if I want but keep it under control because, even with food or dieting, if I tell myself I can't have something, then that's when I'm binging. I don't know how I'd ever abstain completely. I don't feel like I want to because I enjoy a good glass of wine and it's my lifestyle with all my family and friends.
I am so rebelious with myself and I recognized quite awhile ago that there would be no healing for me until I can admit my pain. I have gotten so much better since meeting a man, while he drinks casually but daily and sometimes too much, that my previous lifestyle of parties and binging was making myself less of who I am. In early dating he actually confronted me saying no one drank like I did if they weren't running from something. One of the many reasons I fell in love with him. I didn't know there was more to life until my previous relationship ended and I met him. I thought everyone got drunk and partied and I couldn't stand to be around anyone in my life then without being drunk myself. In fact, my previous boyfriend left me for another alcoholic when I finally pulled my life together, got a great career and wasn't his drinking buddy at the bars every night. I met my current husband at my new job and it was a breath of fresh air to spend time with someone that didn't need all the guys around deciding where they were getting drunk today.
I drank so much in that previous relationship because I thought I was the cool party girl with all the energy and it made them tolerable. But since the resurfacing of some pretty awful memories, I started using alcohol differently. I guess I'm just really hoping that if I face my issues properly that alcohol will become the thing that I can enjoy again with getting out of control. I don't think there's anything wrong with someone who enjoys some wine a few days a week. I just realized that I was going beyond that.
What do you call the person that doesn't feel the urge to drink all the time, but casually drinks almost daily as some kind of treat but only occasionally gets drunk? Is that an alcoholic too? I don't know how you draw the lines on this.