Your right, you have not followed through. In other words you have not changed. Recovery is a process, you need to go through what you are going through to get there. The saying "when one door closes another one opens" is true. But I have also heard and experienced that the hallway in between is a bitch. Get to a meeting , get a sponsor and get into the steps. My addiction (alcohol) affected everything in my life, my recovery does as well. Hang tough!!! BTW ---let the friends go for awhile and invest some time to take care of yourself, they will respect that.