Sometimes I think I let my xabf get away with it because I know he's sick. The end result is the same though for those of us who are being verbally abused.
I used to put up with quite a bit of wounding in my last relationship because I recognized my exAbf had been wounded and abandoned in childhood. We were both drinking all the time as I had yet to scratch the surface of our mutual alcoholism. I excused a lot of wounding due to what I perceived is as compassion and understanding. True enough..but there is no excuse to remain in any situation where verbal stones are being thrown at ya (or our relationship) and you hurt all the time.
I did the same thing with the man before that cuz his mother had died suddenly at the onset of our relationship. I continued to tolerate and not speak up about my hurts or their unacceptable behaviour and slowly started to disintegrate emotionally and spirtually. He too had addiction and intimacy problems.
Both of these men held a lot of fear and resentment against their mothers and woman in general.
I guess what I'm getting at is my own incredibly loose to non-existant boundaries. If someone is hurting you..there is something wrong..and there is absolutely no reason to excuse it...for anything.
Just my two pennies...