Thanks so much for your response....this statement was very helpful to me: "if I am breaking that fall with my help, he will never walk." It's something we know deep down, but need to hear it outside of our own heads.
I'm looking forward to going to more meetings and eventually getting a sponsor in Al-anon. It makes me feel more in tune with my son's AA program and I'm realizing that as much as I thought I knew about both programs, my following the al-anon principles is going to help my son so much more than my trying to "help" him. This morning I've been reading a book I got yesterday called "Paths to Recovery"....it's an Al-anon book. I got it used from Amazon. It's explaining the steps, traditions and concepts of al-anon and even though I'm only on the part about step 2, I've already had an awakening that helps me see the problem I'm causing by trying to manage HIS consequences...don't know if that makes sense, but I was feeling guilty about not giving him the money for his probation appointments until I read this part of the book that says exactly what you said above....it's not my responsibility and it's not helping him if I cover his problems. I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it.
See what one meeting can do?
I hope you've found your way to al-anon too and I wish the best for all of us....I have lots of hope too, for us moms and our sons.