new guy
i've been an alcoholic ever since i can remember.
married for 5 years now. been with my wife for 10. we have two kids 4.5 and 1.5 years old.
sometime after our second child was born my drinking became progressively worse and worse up untill a few months ago where i would drink 7 days a week untill i passed out on the couch, computer chair, or in bed if i made it to bed. i knew i had a problem but it wasn't ruffling too many feathers {in my eyes} so it went on and on.
my wife filed for divorce two months ago,,, and that was a good thing for my drinking, as i stopped cold right then.
she sais she has to do whats best for her and the kids at two months ago it was filing for divorce. i know it wasn't an easy thing for her to do.
since i've stopped drinking. after 30 days she sais to me "the only thing thats changed is you've stopped drinking" "were still not talking to each other,,still thinking of myself first".
we've been to court and got temp. support orders. which i did not fight at all.
she's told me point blank she does not love me anymore. but at the same time she says if i didn't care i wouldn't be here ** we still live together}
i've tried to assure her i'm a different person now, i hate how i was. since the first 30 day talk i've absolutely given up all my wants and try very hard to put her,kids,everything else first, helping arround the house, laundry, cleaning, etc.. i have ALOT of time on my hands now that i'm not drinking so i go on cleaning sprees and soo on.
anyways i'm rambling.
my fear is that i've screwed up my marrage so bad that it can NEVER be the same.
on the other hand, i keep telling myself that I/we can work this out if i just keep this sober life up.
she sees it as a last ditch effort to not loose my wife/family.that if she drops this divorce i will go right back to my old ways.
i'm getting counseling on a weekly basis. going to more AA meetings. trying to live the sober life..
i get NO posative reinforcement from her in my eyes. whell i guess the fact she is still here is positive.
my therapist says i've had an affair with the bottle for the past two years.
gotta run for now
thanks for listening.