Meblond, I understand not being ready to come out to everyone as having a drinking problem.
I was (very recently) an at home - all day - every day - drinker. To many, many, MANY people, I was very in control. I only *seemed* out of control when we had parties and I'd drink too much. Little did they know that I was much worse when alone. When I turned off the somputer and the phone...
I had a hard time 1. admitting to myself there was a problem and quitting the ONLY solution (quit drinking again? No! That's like ripping off a limb!) and 2. going back into recovery.
I started recovery in AA (forced outpatient recovery) at 15. I stuck around a few years, then left to grow up. Was sober 11 years, mostly on my own. Relapse happened, and 5 1/2 years later here I am. I tried to quit on my own, over and over and over again.
Somewhere in there, I went back to AA, and saw some of those folk I knew back in the day. I went strait home, hopeless and helpless, and drank again. I did not go back for a long time.
When I did start seeking out recovery this time, I went to a different town to go to meetings to start (I started Aug. 1st, 17 days sober today). It helped. I read, anything and everything, I read. I read post board, books, websites, anything. I journaled, I prayed, anything I could do. Still do, everyday is a struggle; but so much better then the dark pit I was in.
I don't get to more then one meeting a week, with 3 little ones, a Dh not supportive of AA, and little to no alone time. And normally only a partial meeting at that. But reading and talking to people (and slowly becoming honest with those close to me) have gotten me this far.
I still throughly avoid the alcohol isle in the store, and often feel the world is one big drunk trap...but I am making it slowly with the tools I've found useful.
What ever your tools use, good luck and keep honestly talking. We cant ignore our own honesty! Charting and admitting my relapses was a huge help too.