Hi blonde,
Welcome! When I was ready to quit drinking I surrendered 100% to the fact that I had to be willing to go to any lengths to quit and stay quit. Considering that I would drive in my pajamas in subfreezing temps to get a bottle of wine, going to an AA meeting is not asking too much.
Alcoholism is a serious fatal and progressive illness. If you stop drinking today, it will not get any worse. But, it does progress nonetheless.
If you are concerned for your health and think you may be alcohollic, please seek out medical support. Be honest and follow directions. If you are not willing to try AA, even in the beginning until you get sober and strong with that, then you may wish to look into Smart Recovery, LifeRing, or Rational recovery support programs.
Good luck finding a way that works for you.
Let us know how it goes.