*hugs*
I hear the pain in your post this morning and I wish I could reach out and give you a real hug.
Sweetie.... regardless of how it seem and feels, this is not about you. Please dont take it personally and dont think for one moment your immature for having expressed yourself. This is a hard place to be and there are no words that can express the depth of our pain at times.... but please remember it is not about you.
He is sick and it is a pity that he is sick, but none the less sick, it is a disease and not your problem to handle. I wish you a peaceful day and I hope that you find help in your recovery because there is no reason for you to feel like you do today.... it does get better, with help....I promise that.