I know, personally, when I'm enabling because I start to feel uncomfortable at a gut-level. Or I start to act crazy, or I get annoyed and frustrated. If it has something to do with my AH getting in a bind because of his drinking and I interfere, I am enabling. If I get ticked off and start shooting my mouth off when he's half-bagged, I'm enabling. In that case, I'm giving him a great target to shoot at. I'm also playing a role in the drama. Believe me, I still get annoyed, but I go to another room and busy myself with something else. It gets my focus back on my own issues, which are at the root of what starts me shooting my mouth off in the first place.