I'm really new to this! Possible Triggers!
Hello all. Not sure I should really be posting here. I've yet to become completely sober but I WANT TO. I started drinking because I'm an insomniac and my ex didn't want me taking meds to sleep. Kind of sad but that is the main reason. Now I think I've traded one drug for another. I have been addicted to painkillers in the past but unintentionally. I do think that I have an addictive personality. I worry now about my drinking but I'm scared now that if I stop I'll never sleep. I hate myself for who I am when I drink. I wake up in the morning with no memory of how my son (he's 4) got to sleep, how I got to sleep and how I wake up with bruises, especially to my face and head. I wonder if I do these pain inflicitions myself but I do not know.
I lied to my mother today and told her wine was not a problem for me. Not actually a lie, wine isn't the problem. It's the rum or vodka that I mix with it. It was so hard for me to lie to her. She's my best friend and I hate lying to her.
I'm in tears as I type this but I feel so alone. My son isn't with me tonight, he's with his father, and that makes it worse. I hate it when he's gone. I'm sorry if I've posted to the wrong board but I feel so lost.
Thank you for letting me vent. harleygirl74