I don't have a whole lot of advice since I am just learning about all of this but I would say that if you don't feel ready to accept all of it then you aren't. I have read a lot about boundaries on this board and perhaps that is something you need to review with both of them. Again I am probably not the best in the advice category since I don't know much myself but I hope that helps a little. Deep down I think you know that although you may be lonely you are healthier and happier overall.