Originally Posted by
Mani81 
I feel sick. I failed once again. I'm back to square one, back to the day my ex left me. It brings back all the bad memories. He makes me so paranoid. I had spy him in the past when he went out drinking with his mate to see if he left with another woman. I hate the person i have become.
You sound just like me. But you haven't failed. You just HAVEN'T LEARNED yet. I'm not going to tell you what to do or how to react. I'm not one to talk because I'm in your shoes. I've taken my ABF back more times than I could count. The longest we've been apart over the last 19 months is 1 month. People wonder why I just don't leave. We aren't married. We aren't even living together (altho' he spends every night here unless I kick him out because he's drunk or high) I can't leave him because I'm not ready to...yet. I know that I am codependent and I came here to this site for answers and help. I came for advice, to seek out people who may have answers. Sure part of me was hoping they could tell me how to "help" him to stay sober. But mostly I wanted help to save ME. The people on this forum are AWESOME! they may be BRUTALLY HONEST and harsh sometimes but they KNOW what we are going through. The KNOW what we are feeling. They also KNOW what we are in for and they are trying to save us from the same awful things they have been through. That being said they also know there is NOTHING they can do to open our eyes. We have to do that for ourselves. Coming here is the first step. I plan on taking the second step next week when I attend my first AlAnon meeting. Best of luck to you (and everyone else in our shoes! The blisters are killing us but we'll walk it off and do it in style!!
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