I hope along the way I have gained wisdom. I feel I have and the measure I use is the level of confidence and conviction I feel about the decisions in my life. I do feel that we are all one brave decision away from having the life we want. We stop ourselves because in truth, no one can stop us. We can make bad decisions, one after the next. We can ignore red flags. We can look back AGAIN and wonder what happened. Truth is, the statements you are making about this on again /off again relationship only speak of doom. If it were meant to be, wouldn't more be clicking? Wouldn't it be a little less filled with confusion? Wouldn't it include a woman who likes you two days in a row? We can bring rain into a perfectly sunny day by forgetting the joy of the journey and pushing to get to the desination. I have come to find some characteristics absoutely erotic. I love people who know what they want, I love people who spring out of bed in the morning. I love people with goals and well wishes for others. I love people who are not the hub or their own cunundrum. I love to see smiles and I love good news. I hate whining. I get bored with victims. I love a good plan. There are certainly sorrowful times in life. There are as many joys.
Right now it is 10:50 am. At 10:51, I can step over a line to a whole new life. I have literally drawn a line in the sand. All the junk on the side I'm standing on, all the settling, the lamenting, the blaming and anger, the bad choices, the red flags that where pelting me in the face, the compromising, the abandonment of my core convictions...........When you are ready you will step over that line for yourself and say, you know what?......I want to be with someone I can count on, someone who isn't screwed up. I'm never going to talk someone into loving me or selling myself to a woman who isn't sure she wants me. Don't you find people who can't make a decision very unlikely to ever be what you are looking for? At some point, adults say OK! that's enough. I know who I am and what I want, I want an adult relationship with another adult. This drama and trama, the on and off, the tears and words of rejection followed by rides by your house are just evidence of a screwed up person. People who alledge to be in a constant state of confusion eventually use that to do nothing with their lives. At some point you have to be proactive in your own life. I do have a bit of a warriors heart. Pick up the darn sword and start pursuing and defending the life you want. I literally had a vison some years ago. I was waiting to see what life would bring, I literally saw myself standing before a big door waiting for it to open an invite me in. "Has it ever occurred to you to walk up and open the door and walk through it?" It had not ocurred to me.