Easeful

I found this forum at a low point back in August. Knowing how many alcoholics I've come across in my life, I was surprised at how few posts were on this board. Christmas is bringing an increase in that number. I'm thinking this may be because of the number of people who are able to stuff down their angst about their alcoholic parents and deny the situation for most of the year?

Anyway, I thought I'd share some of my ways to cope with family dysfunction. (disclaimer: these are not necessarily "recovered" behaviors, just ways to get through the day)

1. Take a neutral party visit with you. My parents would never get but so abusive in front of my husband.

2. Visit early in the day. They might be hung over and surly, if so they'd also be weak and I could cope. Going later? They'd be at full tilt and looking for prey.

3. Have an exit plan. When things get ugly stand up and announce that you left a pot on the stove and must get home. I don't care if you're in Cleveland and your stove is in New Mexico. It doesn't matter. Chances are very good they're not going to remember anyway. If you're like me and find it unpleasant to lie, leave a pot on the stove. You don't have to say whether or not you left the burner on.

4. Plan an "after" event that you know you will enjoy. It doesn't have to be an expensive spa visit. You can look forward to watching Christmas Vacation cuddled up on the couch with your favorite pet and a cup of hot chocolate. Remind yourself frequently that you have something to look forward to.

5. Don't go. I have all of the acoa needs to please and I try to be polite about it. I try not to inconvenience anyone. I try to be clear about my plans. But the the thing I now ALWAYS DO first is protect myself and my children.

6. Read the sticky on guilt as needed.