Hey Mr. C..... good to see you again.
I totally understand what you are talking about in the inconsistant actions of someone your dating. That one is a struggle for me and as was very recently pointed out to me .... its their actions.... that you have to watch not what they are saying. Im still somewhat confused by this as well.... To me it seems that a person is innocent till proven differently, which means that I will believe there words till they prove differently with their actions... but then again my best thinking is what got me here. I really struggle when someone Im interest in goes back and forth on what they want.... Im learning that if there actions are also inconsistant its a red flag that Im better off just walking away from the relationship... that is not to say they are bad/sick people or that we could not be friends, it just says that Im very gun shy of that type of behavior and I dont have the want/time to figure it out, I would rather just stay there friend and not get emotionally involved.
FD is right on with how I think as well. I would like to marry again and have a long term committed relationship but I dont -need- one. I am very happy to be by myself and at times really prefer it. Even though one day I would like to marry again does not mean Im seeking that in every man I date, there are men I date just because I enjoy their companionship but I know I would not have a long term committed relationship with them.... and dating does not mean I am sleeping with them either. But even if I choose to sleep with someone, that does not always mean I want to marry them.... It means Im human an adult and over 21. It is a mutual understanding and there are no suprises and I dont think there is anything wrong with being sexual with someone as long as everything is out on the table with my/his intentions. Im very honest when Im with someone, if I know I dont want a "relationship" with a man, I tell him up front that Im not interested in that.... and also let them know that I do enjoy their company and if they want to continue going out for companionship I would enjoy that.
Is that lack of respect for myself? Is that sleeping around? I dont think so, Im close to a person I sleep with. He is not just some Joe I pick up. We do have a relationship but we both know that it will not lead to anything more committed and there are ground rules in place about only being with each other... I dont think a man that is honest with me from the jump is a player.... I think he just does not want a marriage/committed relationship and its my choice if I choose to be with him...... so why would it be any different for me?