jessieandme,
I'm currently struggling with the same issues. AH and I have been separated for six months. He has been sober and active in his recovery for six months. I'm very proud of his progress, and I am seeing changes in him~~~emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
We have three children who adore him. We've been spending lots of time together as a family~~~beach, boating, swimming etc.
I'm working very hard in my recovery and trying to maintain the boundaries I have established. However, now that I've got to the point where I can enjoy time with him, with the kids, he's beginning to push those boundaries. His toes are "on the chalk line." (For a few months, I was uncomfortable being in the same room with him. I could not talk to him, and while I cared for him, I did not feel any love for him~~so we really have come a long way)
He's wanting more and more from me~~~more time alone, without the kids, more kisses~~hugs that are more sensual than I feel comfortable with.
I really needed to read the replies that everyone wrote to this post. It made me realize that I will be unable to tolerate a slip. Through 20 years of marriage, I have supported him, believed in him, trusted him, forgave him over and over again.
He is trying so hard to win me back. And I'm fearful. I'm working through my pain, including many infidelities that I had just rationalized away and buried deep inside my soul.
I know that he desparately wants to move back into the house and the kids want him here. I'm just now beginning to find who I really am, and I'm fearful that I will cave and let everything go, to make others happy~~~AH, my children, his family. He's sober now~~~and active in a recovery program. Shouldn't that be enough for me? Why am I struggling?
I'm sorry if I've threadjacked your post. I can relate to how you are feeling. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I know that we will find our way.
Take care of yourself and your daughter. Everyone here has told me to give myself the gift of time, and that's what I've been doing.
Love,
S