*hugs*
That has got to be really hard and to be completely honest I dont know what I would do....
One thing that helps me though when Im in situations like that and Im feeling really uncomfortable is nothing..... I do nothing. You can detach in that method. Not be involved in any way including not helping the Army with information and not helping her.... No contact with her would be a way of disappearing from that chaos until she gets her life together.
Just some thoughts.... but it would be a really hard place to be and my prayers are going out to you.