Steady, Please if possible perhaps copy Laurie's posts, so you can read and re-read. I had to read and reread to keep my mind on track.
I had anxiety that didn't quit, anxiety numbs the brain, we think it can't be us so it must be the cat, the dog, the kids, the weather, ETC. ETC. but it is getting the booze out of the system. (Withdrawal)
At AA it is OK to cry, or shake, everyone understands. but if that happened at home you and the childern would think it was your fault, and the A feels more guilt.
This for the family is a nightmare, but if we practice detaching with love, if we let them work their program and take it one day at a time it is easier for us and for them. (Just my opinion) Suggestions only.
If your wife never had an affair before being in treatment, then with sobriety that perhaps will never happen again. I do not know her story or history on that.
This is a horrible disease , no family should go through it.
keep coming back. ((HUGS))