what would be good signs for real recovery?
My AH is trying so hard to prove to me he is recovering and capable of being what I need him to be now. He loves me, he so wants to show me. I kept avoiding talking to him about it because I didn't want to be fooled. Then I decided to just talk to him on the phone.
In our conversations I heard genuine remorse for all the mistakes he made and some understanding of why he made them (drinking, selfishness). His admissions are right on target, and honest. Even if they aren't what would please me, he just tells the truth. This is new. This is impressive.
It looks like losing me and my daughter, having the rest of his family turn a cold shoulder, and then finally hearing I was in a new relationship, that was his bottom. He realized he would have no kind of a life if he didn't do something about himself. He was determined to not end up that way.
He worked his plan slowly and carefully. He started working on what he calls his 'mental problems' that caused him the anxiety that he masked by drinking. He met a counselor who lived on his block, and began talking with him. He cut down to only a couple beers every other day for over a month. Then he recognized he was ready to stop completely, and has completed day 4 of consecutive non-drinking.
So he isn't drinking. He isn't depressed or miserable over it. He is actually happy and excited. It is amazing to see. He looks and feels great. I don't see any of the guy who I knew when he would have to go without beer. No 'lost' look. Not sleeping the whole time, or shaking, or edgy. Not blaming anyone or denying his problem. He was always huge with denial.
I am intrigued. I have never seen him like this. He mentions meetings. He has told everyone in his life that he is doing this, and draws strength from their encouragement. Even customers! (He is a landscaper.) He has brought me roses, and is taking my daughter and I to the beach and boardwalk on Saturday. It feels like half the town is cheering him on in his efforts to regain his life and family and he is drawing great strength and encouragement from that.
But I am too aware of the statistics. I am thrilled to see the possibility of this epiphany for him. Yet I can't see beyond one day at a time as far as believing in any of it. I realized, with great dread, that I don't know what signs to look for to help recognize sincere and potentially successful recovery.
Can anyone give me anything to look for?