I don't like the fact that she is disctating the terms and I feel that if I obliger her that I'm enabling.
This is not enabling. Enabling is when one person acts in a way that allows the other to stay in their cycle of alcoholism or addiction. I am enabling when I make things easier for the other person and help them to avoid the natural consequences of their actions.
What you describe is a person who is trying to find recovery and having some problems with keeping her own life on a good path. Right now her recovery is the most important thing for her. Her life may depend on this time being all it can be. It's understandable that you feel left out and are hurting so badly from all that she has done. This disease is very cruel to all involved.
My recovery is separate from the recovery of another. I learn to set boundaries and to work on myself while hopefully they do the same.