I do go to Al-anon and it helps. I also realize that I have a choice. It's not an easy choice though. We've been together 26 years (married 19) with three kids 14, 12, aand 5. It's hard to throw that all away but on the other hand, I deserve a happy life.
I do see occasional small steps on her part to reconnect but it's not happening as fast as I would like. I just resent her dictating the terms without accepting my terms.
She wants to hold off on talking about us for 90 days. I'm considering giving her 60. If that's not good enough then we separate. The problem with separation though is that she refuses to leave her children. So do I. I'm not the one who did anything wrong. Perhaps I'm being hard headed, but I refuse to leave since I'm the innocent party. I know I'm not perfect and certainly have my flaws but I put up with the alcoholism and affairs. I did not cross the line, she did.