I am married and I live with my husband. I think I deal with the drinking by the changes I have made in myself. I don't wag a finger. I noticed a pattern to his drinking and modified my time with him to exclude his drinking time. It's worked great for me. I now work 3-11. I see my husband when he is sober. I had become a reactionary. I realized that I was allowing his drinking to define who I was, how I reacted and the mood it set for the day. I don't have a problem with people drinking, I will not become their fodder when they rant. I did talk to my husband and it left some kind of impression because he knew I meant it. I didn't yell. I told him calmly and very sincerely, " I am your wife, I wear your name. I told him that he had alot to do with bringing esteem or embarrassment to being his wife. I don't want a husband who smells of yesterdays booze, I told him he was not interesting when he drinks, he was a lousy lover and I couldn't remember the last time I was satisfied. I said I had no desire to hurt him but....this is my life. I told him that if I acted like he does sometimes, he'd have kicked me out years ago. I did name a few specifics. Last, I told him he always says he loves me, well why shouldn't he? I told him that unfortunately he was missing the main point. He wasn't making sure I loved him. There is nothing too spectacular about the things I said. I think he had no idea I felt that way. He thought this was all working. I told him that old saying. To see a mans true character, look into his wifes eyes. I told him he could play around thinking none of it showed. I said look into my eyes. My husband treats me with a new respect. Somehow something I said effected him. I won't fight. I won't bash him or make fun of him. I can be who I want to be no matter what he's doing because I'm me not him. I didn't set out to change him, I set out to change me. In that process of changing myself, he has changed. I face his alcoholism with dignity.