Your serenity is inspiring CMC. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I know the cost is not great, what is 90 a month. I also have chronically high cholesterol (father's side) that requires a prescription of about 100.00 month. I don't begrudge that in the same way.
Maybe it is the fact that these all deal with my mind and that they make me feel like I am not in control. At least with the cholesterol I could change my diet, take salmon oil, exercise, quit smoking, etc. and have some impact, with the depression and sleep disorders I don't have any control over it. I either take the meds or I can go days without sleeping... I either take the meds or I become moody and unhappy...
I am trying to come to terms with everything in my life, and it is more important to me now than ever before because I have found someone very special that I can see spending my life with. I want the best and I know I have to give the best to get the best... sometimes I just feel damaged and that I can never truly give the "best" because of it.
She doesn't care, really doesn't care, is just happy to love me and be with me... this is all from me. She is aware of my childhood, its lasting impact and my issues with alcohol and accepts it. Instead of being down on it she is happy I take the meds, that I recognize I have a problem with alcohol ... so why does it bother me so much then?
Peace, Levi
PS I have read Bradshaw, maybe I need to re read his works.
