Hi Levi,
I'm glad you came over here to see us!
I have a few thoughts come to mind as I read your posts here. Aside from the awful things that happened around you as a child- you now have some medical issues that need attention. I can't help but think of my two kids (one is AS) who have had diabetes since they were very small. They did nothing to deserve this and they require medicine to stay alive. The costs are staggering for them and they can have serious complications due to their condition. The difference here is that you have been told that the stress you endured caused your health issues. You can place blame for it and they are tied together, but the many also have these difficulties w/o experiencing the childhood you did, and some people -even in the same family have not become clinically depressed after traumatic childhoods. Maybe to separate the cause and the result can help you sort it out...It's just an idea and may not be helpful at all for you. jmho
Resentments will always bring me down. I have them and work on it in order to maintain my serenity and follow my faith. Your parents, it appears did alot of damage. What is the target of your anger? None of what has happened to you has been fair or right yet look how far you have come and rose above? Not many kids from non alcoholic/abusive families ever attain what you have. Your story is inspiring to me. I would be surprised that anyone could come from the place you have without having some difficult inner work to do. Bradshaw is an excellent author as has been stated already. I think reading his work will help you alot.
btw.. I sometimes wish I had the same answers you seek as I struggle with mr cmc having MS. His meds make him very sick and yet he needs them to keep his condition from worsening. It's not an easy life but there is always hope for us and we can learn to change our thinking and learn to cope with what we are handed in life.
The good things? You have made a good life for yourself with a wonderful lady, there ARE meds that will help and you can continue to work on the rest.
big hugs,
cmc