hello levi
so sorry for the feelings you are having.....i understand.
have you ever attended al-anon meetings??? xah was raised in a situation like you described and his persona sounds so similiar to yourself.
al-anon saved my life....helped me understand what to do to help myself and to quit focusing on the problems created by alcoholism.
the beauty of al-anon is that it can be applied to any, any, any problems we encounter.
glad you came here....keep coming back......
blessings
jeri