thank you all so much for the words of comfort. I called an ex bf last night, believe it or not, and he came over and sat with me to talk. He just listened very patiently while I blathered. I also had called **** Oreilly (Bill) if you remember him , he usually posts on Alcoholism thread. He is alcoholic, not al-anon, but did a very nice job of reminding me how sick and incapable my ex is. He helped me a great deal.
The disease just grabbed ahold of the seat of my pants and wouldnt let go. My immunity was down due to a 2 week bout of daily headache pain and financial concerns, pressures of single parenting etc....basically when the emotional and phsycail immune system is weak, the disease takes fulls advantage. The holiday season doesnt help.
My sons grandfather lives out of country, and I have tried hard to find directory service to get his number, but his country does not offer 411 service to the US, I did email a relative over there whose email ifound on the net, asked him twice to contact him to tell him to call me, over 2 months ago. I got a few calls from a "blocked id" call, but theynever left a message on my voicemail. I'm constantly wondering if it indeed was him trying to reach me.
When my ex got angry at me, 3 years ago, he of course told his family how aweful I am etc...and they just literally cut us off, from one day to the next. HIs family was really the only familial connection my son had...I havebrothers and sisters but we have contact only on holidays, so my son had never had much connection to them. His fathers brother and sister, mom and dad, were evreything.
This is how alcoholism works....when you divorce the man, he takes his family with him and they just forget that they have a grandson. Ive written them 3 letters over the last 2.5 years, sent to his sisters address in hopes she would forward to them....never heard a word.
And this is how alcoholism is indeed a "family" disease.