When I initiated this thread, I referred to throwing it back. I didn't mean I was attempting to respond in kind with hurtful, abusive comments. That would serve no purpose but to escalate things and is against my nature to try to hurt him. I meant responding, as a number of you have mentioned, with self-defensive words, i.e. dont use that tone of voice, stop it or I will leave, etc. Ironically, his verbal abuse has gotten worse during this current period of sobriety--4 1/2 months now. Give me a break!!!
I am responding only when I feel it is safe and helps my self-esteem to stand up for myself as a human being, not as someone he has depersonalized and feels he is entitled to abuse. My intuition has certainly been comprised from his many years of crazymaking, but it kicks in when the need to walk away is the safest choice. I know I cant change him, but I am hoping he may be one of the few men that might be made aware of the effect of his verbal abuse. How he chooses to deal with it I cant control. But, I can control how and if I respond. I cant continue to be stepped on. I don't know where this is all going--this is new territory for me. I actually went to see a lawyer the other day to discuss my rights and my estate. Unfortunately, she only wanted to play therapist and didn't give me much legal advise. I had to laugh, upon leaving, she didn't want to shake my hand--she gave me a big bear hug instead--she must have sensed my pain. I feel like I am taking small steps forward to stand up for myself and will hopefully lead me to a peaceful place someday.