Originally Posted by lizzy girl
My question is for those of you that have responded to the abuse by saying: Stop that, Cut that out, stop talking to me like that, just a few of Evans suggestions, did it help or make things worse? I have just started to throw it back at him, and yes I am afraid of the retaliation that could occur. Up until now, I have just taken it. Any advise?
In my experience, when AH was on one of his abusive rants, it didn't matter what I said or did. He was completely irrational. If I ignored him he would just follow me around screaming at me. If I continued to ignore him he would start throwing/ slamming things/breaking things. If I responded...he did about the same thing. Consider yourself 'lucky' with the "I was just kidding". I never got that. If anything he would just pretend he never said it. Complete denial of something that he said seconds before. Talk about thinking you are going crazy. No matter how I responded, he would twist everything around to make it my fault.
Lundy's book was very eye-opening to me. It made so much sense, and I too was highlighting. I always thought AH was abusive beacause of some deep seeded anger issue from his past. Lundy's book says that abusers don't abuse because they are angry, they are angry because they are abusers. What a revelation!!!!
Someone suggested videotaping during his outbursts. (sorry I can't remember who's post to give credit to). This seems like a good idea to me, to let them see what they look like and sound like. I just haven't come across the best way to do this yet, but that is what I plan to do. When we were watching a video from son's birthday, my AH (of course he has already drank plenty on this occassion), asked if he really sounded that nasty. I flatly told him yes, that is how he talks to everyone, especially me, when he has been drinking. He never said a word about it after that. That wasn't even when he was being abusive, just his normal (drunk) voice.
I tried this once. I videotaped AH at our home the night we had a party for family and friends. When we watched the tape the next day he got VERY ANGRY and would not watch it. I never did it again.