Now you had better stop beating yourself up...We all have "stuff". Now that your H has gotten his "stuff" out of your way you will be able to see and deal with yours.
Recovery is an inside job even for us codies. It can be a lonely process cause the hardest "stuff" cannot be dealt with by anyone other than ourselves. We can share with you how we have dealt with our "stuff" but it is entirely up to you what you do with that info...then you can come here or to your f2f meetings and share how you did it.
My sponcer had me call everyone on my call list when I was working my 4th step and I was to tell them I am working my 4th step. Almost nobody even answered the phone when I made these calls and the ones who did had very little to say about it and usually could not talk right now. My sponcer told me to call her back after I called everyone on the list. The list was very long so it took a few days for me to call everyone...When I did call my sponcer back she asked what I had learned. My response was, "it is lonely being in recovery". She said yes you are right nobody can do it for you.
We can try to focus on a temporary solution like finding someone new instead of doing our inside work and most likely we will find someone who is even more messed up than the person we left or left us. Once you do your inside work you may find that you do not need to be in love or you may meet someone execellent and without major life issues.
The inside job is an adventure and it is exciting getting to know who you really are and what you really want to do. If you are still hearing a voice inside you saying I am lonely, dig a little deeper((((kermie)))) cause you may not actually have unearthed a major part of yourself a part that holds something very valuable. Love yourself kermit and allow yourself to discover your hidden treasure!!!