Throwing it back
Hi, I could use some insight from those of you that have dealt with verbal abuse. I have just finished reading two books: The verbally Abusive Relationship by Pat Evans, and Why Does he do that? by Lundy Bankroft--this one really blew me away. I devoured them in a few days sneaking a read whenever I could. In the bathroom, at work, in the car, wherever my husband wasnt. Get this, he mentioned I was in the bathroom for a long time one day and said, "Oh were you trying to make yourself pretty for me?" I had to laugh, if he only knew. I started to underline paragraphs that pertained to my relationship and got only a few pages into the book before I realized that I was underlining something on every page so I stopped. Not a good sign! Bankrofts book was deeply disturbing to me and I feel it has helped de-mystify my husbands abusive behavior. I know now that it's pointless to try make sense or analyze what he says, why he says it, how could I have responded differently, etc because it's all designed to keep me off balance and make me crazy. Evan's book gives a number of comebacks to verbal abuse. Both books make it clear that very few abusers ever change
This leaves me with two alternatives, either live with it for the rest of my life with him, or leave him. I am not prepared to accept either alternative right now.
My question is for those of you that have responded to the abuse by saying: Stop that, Cut that out, stop talking to me like that, just a few of Evans suggestions, did it help or make things worse? I have just started to throw it back at him, and yes I am afraid of the retaliation that could occur. Up until now, I have just taken it. Any advise?