Hi Pixie and welcome!
I hope you will check out an alanon meeting, or at least get some reading material about codependency. There are a lot of good suggestions in the "book club" post in the power-posts at the top of this forum.
Believe me, we all understand how maddening and confusing it can be. Surreal is a great word to describe the atmosphere. Always feel free to come here and share with us!
hugs!
Smoke