hoping this is a first step
Hello there,
I think it has taken me about 1/2 an hour to even start typing this. I have been "keeper of the secret" specially from myself, for so long even doing this feels like betrayal. I'm hoping if I do a little venting here it will give me the strength I need to try to dig my way out of this.
I'm a 40 year old mom who really needs to see that she is living with an alcoholic. My husband of 16 years has always been a heavy drinker but promised to quit 3 years ago. I stuck my head up my butt apparently and believed him until about 6 months ago when I discovered (ya right) that he was secretly drinking about a dozen beer a day and hiding it from me. After about 6 relapses he finally went to an AA meeting but didn't really like it because of the "God" stuff. He has been secretly drinking again but lying about it......apparently I'm stupid enough to fall for the "but I always chew gum" line. Tonight was the final straw when I came home to find him and our 9 year old son out in the boat until dark. When he finally pulled up on the beach some 4 hours after he had left he could still barely stand. I wanted to rip his lungs out.
This is all just surreal to me. This just can't be happening to me. I used to always think that women who put up with alcoholics were weak.....just throw him out! But when faced with what "throw him out" actually looks like it is terrifying (and pretty humbling). I'm feeling kind of lost right now.