Salamader,
This is a very hard thing to struggle with, when you start to feel healthy again and think what was going wrong? I can fix this. I think it all the time. Make no mistake though. I had a friend die this last summer--during a custody battle for his children no less.
I think no true alcoholic will ever be able to give up the idea of one day of drinking again. I can't. I would either be lieing or lieing to myself. I can *defer* it. I can push it back. I can say today i will not drink.
I could never face the idea of never drinking again. I can only face each day and say, look at the progress you have made. look at what you have at stake. Surely you can wait until you are a hopeless bitter old man before you take up drinking.
Or maybe I may never get there and have a happy productive life instead--and never have the opportunity to drink again.
Anyone who has been there will understand why you relapsed and will never question your desire to quit.
Hang in there and talk out what you need to talk out.