Hi!
I totally, totally understand. I was where you are not too long ago. I hated admitting that I can never drink again because I SOO wanted to be a normal drinker. So I tried every tactic in the book. It worked here and there however it took so much effort and every few months bang!! Binge and blackout!! Frightening, paranoid and very scary.
The other day I was looking through vacation magazines and had the same feeling. I thought I can never go on an all inclusive resort and not drink?????
Then again, the fear of drinking and of losing control is worse. I have to keep it real and gain my self respect back.
Good luck
Joanne