Hi Stacey
Check out the AA part of the boards here, there's quite a lot of step 4 and 5 talk going on there and some really sound people who've worked the step and can give better advice than I can!
All I can suggest is what's already been suggested: try to connect more with the women in your meetings. You don't have to look at them as a potential sponsor, just chat and see who you're comfortable with, then you can broach the subject... that you want a sponsor... never know, someone may be able to point you towards someone suitable. And if you find someone and you end up not feeling she's right, you're not stuck with her forever.... either of you can terminate the relationship at any time. It's important that you can trust the person though and be honest and be able to accept what she says...
I've been sober 4 months and I found my sponsor about 6 weeks ago. She approached me first, to ask for my number and she called one night JUST when i really needed to talk to an AA. After that, I prayed that if she would be the right person, then could I have the courage to keep reaching out to her and eventually asking her to sponsor me. It all worked out very nicely. She's very tough on me though, stuff she says is sometimes very hard to take and accept.... she can come across as mean.... but she's not, I see that (eventually and often after a lot of tears!), she's trying to get through to me, not soft soap me, but really look out for my best interests. And as i want what she has and what some of the other women in my meeting have, I'm prepared to listen, do the suggestions and not go my own sweet way - which, as history proves, usually results in disaster. It's not an easy road we're on but it's worth it.
I worked steps 1-3 in rehab and reviewed them with my sponsor.... now, she says I'm ready for 4 and have set a time to do 5. I'm dealing with lots of bad stuff in my head, that all came up, re-emerged once my anaesthetic really wore off.... it's a sign, she says, that I'm more than ready for 4 and 5.
Oh, and her biggest suggestion... is really not the easiest to follow but I DO see why it's there: avoid men. I'm too fragile to get involved with someone, I don't have the stability in my sobriety to withstand the emotional upheaval that may happen - I had a close brush with a relationship VERY early in recovery but it was me that called a halt - I knew I couldn't give what he wanted or accept what he offered yet, and I needed to concentrate on me and establishing a network of female friends. So, I've been seeking out the women before and after meetings, getting numbers and calling, accepting invitations from them to go for coffee or shopping.... and I'm so glad I did. It's a very new thing for me, as I'm used to feeling lonely, but it's lovely to make new friends who really understand me and DO have time to talk. The not easy bit is that so often men approach me and I don't want to be rude by extracting myself from the conversation prematurely.... I know I need to work out a polite way of doing that.
Anyway... Good luck with finding a sponsor, I think it's key to working the program thoroughly, as it's suggested we do!
Nic
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