I have a question and I am not sure if anyone can enlighten me on this. I had a pretty traumatic childhood and as such have developed a couple sort of phobias.
I saw someone drop a concrete block on a pidgeon when i was little. I am now incredibly scared of pidgeons. Seems not a big deal , but i truly freak out and I grew up in a city filled with them. So the lengths I go too avoid them gets a little outta hand.
I have also had recurrent nightmares my whole life of male stalker in various forms trying to harm or kill me. From the age of maybe 10 to 15, our neighbourhood and house were the target of a few different peeping toms and prowlers. My dad worked at night, so my mum and us kids usually had too deal with this alone every night of the week. I dont know what triggers the nightmares but they really terrify me. I am guessing it has something too do with what we went through.
I also saw my mother hold a knife up too my dads throat during an argument when i was small. I now freak out about knifes in the house and get scared i will sleep walk and hurt somone i love. I actually cannot watch scary movies or read about anything violent or it triggers this crazy worry pattern about myself. I also get recurrent dreams of a dark women trying to kill people, not me, people around me, i am just usually running around in the dream freaking out about it. i feel if i keep worrying or keep the thoughts in my head , then they wont become subconscious and nothing will happen on my sleep.
It has wreaked havoc on my closest personal relationships. And can be torturous mentaly for me. I just cant seem to keep a relationship past 3 years before these thought surface.
Could all these consistent worries be some sort of post traumatic problem. I am a very sensitive person and watching cnn can be too much for me.
I dont want a diagnosis. I just want to get a feel of other peoples thoughts on this. I have dealt with this for a long time and it only seems to come up when i have been intimate with somebody for along time and it has been a relationship with some hurts involved.
Thankyou