Danielle...
turning to drugs is NOT the answer. Please find an adult who you trust to talk to, whether it be a school counselor, a grandparent, a friend's parent...anyone...
I'm really concerned about you...
I read about the situation with your family and it brings back so many memories of my childhood...
See I'm also an adult child of an alcoholic dad...he was a wife beater, I started drinking at age 14...and doing drugs.
My family was majorly dysfunctional...
I married another addict at age 16 to get out of the situation I was in...
Fast forward----25 years later...I'm addicted to meth, using it on a daily basis.
I get drug tested at work and have to admit to "everyone"...that in spite of everything I disliked about my father and his alcoholism...I've become "him"....only with drugs...instead of alcohol!
You have the power within you to break the cycle!
I finally did...
I've been clean & sober for 5 years now. I had to change everything. My kids are 17 & 20...they knew that something was wrong...but I hid my drug use from them until I got busted. Now we talk about it openly. I had to divorce their father, because he continued to use...and I wasn't willing to put their safety & security in jeopardy any longer once I realized the truth...that is, that they could be taken away just because the drug was in the house.
Sweetie, I know about the alcoholic rage...I once had to wait until my dad passed out to take the clip out of his gun so he wouldn't go shoot someone at the bar...
There are others who have been where you are...
and there is a way to survive!
Try to learn as much about the disease of addiction and alcoholism...do not get sucked in yourself...try to get some support for yourself from some sane and sober people.
I've learned a lot from the "alanon" people...You can't cure, didn't cause, and can't control" the addict/alcoholic's behavior (referred to as the 3 C's).
Keep comming back!