you are definately doing the right thing not telling them until she follows through...i can not imagine what they have been through already and you are right that you need to protect them...it is such a shame that you and your family have gone through all of this but you seem like you are doing a great job and you are a great parent....i think you are doing all of the right things and you should feel good about that....i hope everything works out for you and your family and i will say a prayer for you....