My name is Vic and I am an addict! Probably dang lucky to be here clean today. Through the Grace of God, the Program of Recovery, the fellowship of the recovery, the steps
I haven't had to take a drug (alcohol is a drug) since May 25, 2006 and for that I am extremely grateful. What you have is NOT control, what you do have is what is called a RESERVATION in your program.
I relapsed on Valentines day of this year, but my relapse started before that. I called someone to score dope from, well I couldn't get the number right. Then one day I seek out the number another way and called this person. I told her that I tried to get a hold of here a few weeks ago to score some dope but forgot her number. She said that she wouldn't have scored it for me if her life depended on it.
Later that night well in the wee hours of the morning I heard a banging on my door. I went to answer it and it was her and her BF. They said that they would cut through the chase, and they could get me whatever I wanted. Without thinking about it I said get me a 8 ball. Within a hour they were back with the dope. Most of the people have heard this story already.
When they came back with the 8 ball I broke it in half. I sat there watching these two people get high. They asked if I was going to get high and I said NO> After they left I put my part of the 8 ball up in the kitchen cupboard. Yes that was addict thinking. I had it there untouched until Valentines day. I had a date and we were both in the program. I had 10 1/2 months clean and she had 9 months clean. When we got back from dinner we were talking about how we both had tried to get hold of someone to do dope with and it was on the same day. I said I still had some left that I never did. She asked to see it and for the first time I went in and grabbed it to show her. When she seen it she said lets go. I said where and she said to go get a tire gauge.
While we were going I told her that under no circumstances was I going to use. I believed that! When we got back I watched her get high for awhile and then she said that I was making her nervous and I told her that I could go into the other room. She said that isn't the problem that she didn't like to get high alone. She asked if I would get high with her. I sat there for 5 minutes and then said give it here.
Let me tell you that if you think that you have POWER over this bag of dope then YOU are NOT Powerless. Dope kicked my butt hard, I am just now getting close to 4 months clean again. I know that for one if anything happened that the cops had to come over and I had a bag of dope I would be insane to have it here and risk prison time. YOU don't have control over dope, neither do I or anyone else here. If we had control then we wouldn't be trying to stay clean. I hope that you do the responsible thing and get honest with yourself.
Love Vic
