Welcome to SR... Im sorry for what your going through... but glad you found us.
Im just going to take bits here and there and see if I can help.
She went to an AA meeting and when she told her story, everyone was so perplexed at how a perfectly good girl with perfectly good family, job, friends, life and health would attend an AA meeting. They began to question why she was there, and started comparing their tragic stories to hers. She felt so ashamed being there that she didnt go back and refuses to do so.
I have no doubt she was ashamed but I highly doubt other people were perplexed. Alcoholism is an equal opportunity destroyer and the people sitting in AA know that better than anyone. Because its a disease and physcial the social standing of the person makes no difference whatsoevery... She told you this right? This was her perception not the reality of what really was.
Then the lying, hiding, and cheating began. She would sneak bottles in her purse, lie about it when i confronted her and she even cheated on me.
Unfortunally it is also a progressive disease and there is not one thing you can do about it. You and her Parents are enabling her to keep drinking... she always has a safe place to fall too and someone to catch her. This will get much worse unless she decides she has a problem and gets some recovery.
I want to leave her knowing that she will be ok. I won't leave until I know that. We've broken up romantically since the relapse because I thought she might need a friend more than she needed a sex-friend. Should I stay with her even though I'm not attracted to her anymore? Is that the help she needs? Or do i need to be more tough with her?
I might suggest you look at some Al-anon meetings or counceling that understands addiction. This is not your job, she is an adult and why are you living your life based around a women that you are not attached too and have so little time invested in. I know for me I LOVE to rescue people... nothing makes me happier then to save someone.... But of course Im very codependant and this behavior has kept me in unhealty relationships for over 20 years.
Keep posting and reading... I look forward to getting to know you.