I am glad to have found a place to talk about how tough this all is. I have to go into work tomorrow, I have not been there since wed and it makes me sick and nervous to my stomach. I called in sick (of course, it was because I was to busy doing drugs) and I am feeling very guilty. This is the 2nd time this year that I have done this. My job is high stress, school is high stress and I have been resorting to getting high to forget about the stress, yet it causes sooo much more. I have an appt for an intake assessment this week, and wonder how I am going to fit all of this into my schedule. My boss is not very understanding about taking time for appts or anything. (she is never sick, or seems to have any problems personally.) so she never understands, and I cannot tell work about this. Funny how I made time to do drugs though. I really want to get my life together and I am going to. Too much to lose and tired of the feeling that I get afterwards. Not being able to sleep and then wondering what the hell I did that for. My fiance and family do not deserve this, and neither do I . I hate feeling so powerless over something. I hate the cravings that I feel when I am driving home from work and think, well, I will just get a bit, and then go home. I thought I could control it but cannot.