hello i am back, i learned that i need to build a bridge between my youthe and now that when i feel triggered into that state of child hood hurts and feelings not to run with them, he can do that to me make me feel like that helpless and needy little girl with no way out, i dont know wher it comes from hes not abusive in any way, just my lifes worth of abuse affects my relationship today not just with him but with any body, i am glad i am able to recognize these triggers now i need to be able to use what i learned , i becoming to feel whole again and i am taking care of me i come so far from where i once was, i sometimes look at myself and tell myself how good i am doing, i dont feel like a failure, or insecure, i do things now because i want to not because i want to feel loved or accepted , those where the days wher i let in that man whom wanted to abuse me, i been abuse by men all my life,, i am now 41, and these past few years was the only time in my life where a man has not put his hands on me nor took me mentally or emmotionaly. there is still some developing of my strength to conquer, i still get triggered but i am aware of it and more in controll of my emmotions and reactions today to be able to come back quickly . well the bridge is what i am gonna master now./// Roses