Anne Marie you are the best. Thanks everyone for the posts. Last tuesday, I went to my Dr. and he gave me Lexapro, an anti-depressant. He said it takes 2 weeks to start working, but even after 1 tiny pill, I started to feel guilty. "Why do I require this?" is what I was thinking. But then, for about an hour, I fully self-reflected. I started writing and I couldn't stop. I'm going to read all of it to my therapist, today at 4pm. It made me feel better, and I've felt better ever since. Maybe the Lexapro has already started working for me. Yesterday was my 5 year anniversary with Kate.
We went to Little Italy for dinner and dessert.
Thanks to everyone again for the support. My life has been up and down for so many years now, but now I feel it's starting to balance out.