I am feeling a bit discouraged at the moment.
No one wants to hear this. I don't want to tell it.
I took painkillers and they messed with my head and my defenses were down. Well, somehow I ended up in a situation with my uncle and he kept pressuring me. The painkillers threw me totally off. I ended up doing coke with him!!!
I don't even remember making the decision-- my head was that messed up from the painkillers.
I am trying not to freak out but it hurts. I had really been working hard. This is a hard lesson learned. STAY FROM ANY NARCOTIC DOCTOR PRESCRIBED PAIN MEDICATION and if it is absolutely necessary, then I have to let someone distribute the pills to me. I didn't think they would screw my mind up like that.
I called a lady from my meetings and she said that she would start sitting by me at the meetings and she would get there early so we could talk. She also said that she'd help me find a sponsor. I just need help.
I was doing so well.
I know right now what triggered this whole thing...........
PAINKILLERS
UNCLE
I know that people are going to want to give me some tough love right now but please don't. I have aleady done that enough to myself and I can't take anymore. I am going to make it. I feel like this really is my time. I mean, I've exhausted every other option.
I'm so disappointed in myself because I really was working hard on my recovery. I am getting back up again.
I would have been ok had I not taken narcotic pain killers..then I would not have caved in to that thought of using cocaine. The decision to take pain killers was the thing that got me and it was my downfall.
Please, please, please, I'm asking with all of my heart- don't give up on me. I am really going to get this. I am so angry with myself right now. Now the physical cravings are set off.