A wife's perspective
Hi Tosh... This one's for your wife...
I think it's great that you are FINALLY seeing that the fact that you drink is hurting your life. My husband is also a great provider as well as an alcoholic. He's an excellent father and tries to give me everthing I want. Just can't seem to give me what I need. A husband who's not "checked out" half the time. I have many trust issues, feel alone much of the time and have a crappy sex life. Most healthy women want a strong reliable husband that they can depend on. You are probably a bit self-involved (as most drinkers are)? You've lost one family, is it worth risking another? You must miss your kids terribly. If you can get yourself clean, sober and healthy...I swear you'll be happier. It's so effin scary living with a drunk. I beg you to find a way to get over this. I know that AA is amazing if you just commit to keep going. My husband hated it at first and now can't live without it. Church is a great help, too. Please think about giving it a try. If not for you, how about the other people that love and need you?
Not judging. Wishing you well.
0816