Hi snoopy,
I used to spend lots and lots of time and energy trying to plan and figure out ways to communicate the pain and suffering his drinking was causing me. Smoke is right. It always caused me more heartache.
Have you read Co-Dependent No More? After reading that book as attending Al-Anon meetings, I realized that my behaviors were adding fuel to the fire. AH is addicted to alcohol and I was/am addicted to him. Once I learned to detach from his drinking, I felt peace. I wasn't always successful at detaching, but the more I did it, the more it became comfortable for me.
If not in recovery, Alcoholism is progressive. As his illness progressed through the years, with periods of sobriety sprinkled in along the way, I did become stronger. And after two decades, I decided that I could no longer tolerate the conequences of his drinking. I hit bottom before he did, and we separated. He's been sober for five months now and is active in AA.
Snoopy~~~your post brought up many memories of me planning and orchestrating how I could get AH to see the light~~~to see that he was killing himself and killing our marriage. Now I know that there is absolutely nothing that I could have said or done to change him. I can only be responsible for my own words and actions, and how I choose to react to him.
Take care,
S