Overcoming the Struggle
It would be so awesome to finally hit a year of sobriety... I really want one of those specially ordered gold coins off that recovery website. That would be such an amazing sense of accomplishment.
I feel like I've really been working my recovery this time. I won't give up. Every day I've been stretching and growing to new levels and sometimes it seems like the changes are small, but they are baby steps to the new me. I am slowly emerging out of the shell I once was.
I will never forget my last binge.... I pray that I always remember this moment because this was the moment when I knew I really WANTED with every essence of my being to fight to stay clean.
I had binged on cocaine and alcohol ALL night and I was coming down hard... and it hurt so bad.. then I started drinking and continued the binge with alcohol.. and then went into alcohol withdrawals with sweating, shaking, heart pounding out of my chest...and I had class that morning!! I got up and tried to get the booze off my breathe just so that I could drag my self to class. Well, I felt like crap all day and I was sick of drugs and alcohol...... and that was just IT.
Ever since that moment in my life, I have done EVERYTHING to stay away. I have made many choices that I balked at and didn't want to do but I needed to do to stay clean/sober. I have been workin' it this time.... really working it. After that last time, enough was enough. That was it... I was so humiliated to walk around campus like that which is something I said that I would NEVER do.
Here I am 10 days clean and sober and I'm not looking back. I don't care how many lies this addiction throws at me, I am not listening. I am totally done.
I've been doing AA/NA meetings combined with tools off the Smart website and other various recovery sources. I'm learning, growing, and recovering.
I know that I have had many failed attempts at sobriety but this time I have been going after it like I'm fighting for my life because I am.
I still have a long way to go but gratefully, I am in recovery today and putting together some good 24s.
Thanks everyone for never giving up on me! I'm in it to win it.. one clean day at a time.