Originally posted by Csmcjewl
"Sigh....this sober stuff isn't easy!"
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-->>It may not seem easy. But drinking wouldn't make things better...or easier.
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"Let me tell you, thinking back sitting there made me realize how much I don't want to get into any more trouble. More than just, I want to stop drinking"
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-->>You've recognized one of the costs of drinking: reckless behavior that results in legal trouble. Maybe going with your friend was useful, after all, if it reinforced your sobriety!
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"He talked for abit and was like..."Hey, just came to see if you'd be up for going to the bar with me." I just kinda went..."uhh....nah." and tried to change the subject. It really kinda, i don't know. It kinda set me a little off....it was kinda like a trigger without actually making me drink."
-->>It WAS a trigger, and you successfully deflected it! "Uhh...nah" worked! Practice that one, say it with conviction, say it in the mirror, say it while you're alone, and then it'll be ready to go next time and you'll deflect the trigger again. Congratulations, Stacey! You're getting used to saying no, easily and firmly, and your friends are getting used to you saying no. It gets easier the more you do it.
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" I don't know...I just felt this anger inside me flare up. I don't even really know why...I think it was just...I'm trying to deal with my disease here!"
-->I won't get into the whole disease debate. But anger, irritability, sleeplessness, and discomfort are all normal reactions to quitting any substance--even coffee! A little irritation at people who are drinking when you aren't is normal, too; there's an underlying feeling that "it isn't fair." That can be a very strong trigger, so keep reminding yourself that their drinking should not, will not, can not affect your own behavior.
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"....it just really pissed me off. I'm just really in turmoil today and I can't really explain why."
-->>more irritability. Figuring out some way to calm yourself down in those situations could be helpful, even something as simple as drinking chamomile tea (valerian tea helps with insomnia, by the way, even though it stinks and tastes like swamp water).
This is really great, Stacey, because you are recognizing the feelings and emotions you have that could become stumbling blocks to your sobriety.
When we drink, we have those emotions but the fog we're in often prevents us from recognizing them (and they get worse). I try to catch myself when I start feeling irritable (or depressed, or whatever) and make a plan for stopping it from building. "Don't think poisonous thoughts!" is something I say--outloud if necessary--to get out of the funk before it gets oppressive.
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"Dave keeps trying to get me to watch this Anime him and his friends all watch called Cowboy Bebop."
-->>My son LOVES that video! I have yet to figure out what he likes about it. It mostly gives me a headache, but I suppose I'm showing my age.
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" He kept on and kept on trying to get me to watch it and making snide comments about how I always go antisocial. I just got really mad and told him to just leave me alone. I want to be alone. He got kinda snippy with me and was like..Fine, be antisocial then."
-->>The change in your behavior can be unsettling to those around you, who were used to the "drinking" you. To those still drinking, it may seem like you're being "holier" and they'll make sarcastic comments about it. When one person in a couple stops drinking, the other may feel that that person "isn't as fun."
I know it's irritating, but try to have good humor about it. They'll get used to the "sober" you. If you communicate well with your b/f, then talk about it. If that leads to conflict, then let it go. But don't let that anger build up. Others talk about drinking "to get even" or because of some perceived unfairness. I think you see how your anger can become a trigger.
There is a thread on another forum board right now about sobriety in relationships, and it has been commented that one member of a couple sort of gives "permission" for both of them to drink--to get "back to normal." It can be a real obstacle to sobriety, and it is one you should plan for and deal with directly. Any ideas for how to make your boyfriend more comfortable with this?
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"We've all been drinking coffee all night though so I have a feeling we're all going to be up for a couple more hours."
-->>If you're having trouble sleeping, you might want to be careful about your coffee intake for a while. I slept very little in the first couple of weeks after I quit drinking, and it did make me more restless and irritable. Plus, I'd suddenly collapse from exhaustion in the afternoon or evening. I learned to take naps and to let my body tell me when to rest.
"Sigh....I don't know. Are these feelings normal? Is it normal to want to just get away for awhile when you feel yourself internally losing control?"
-->>YES these feelings are normal! YES you may feel the need for solitude or a time out. I made use of that time to write about what I appreciated about sobriety, or to check these forum boards and post, or just to take pictures or go for a walk.
"I just don't know...they say not to isolate..."
-->>Who says that? In yoga they talk about "centering yourself." Taking a little time for that, giving yourself time to think about how your days are different and better, and to appreciate things you didn't see so clearly before--I can't see any down side to that.
Yes, I'd agree that withdrawing from society wouldn't be productive. But most of your posts describe LOTS of interaction with people. The point of not isolating is to make use of the moral support that comes from your group.
"but...what if I feel like I'm going crazy inside for no particular reason? I don't understand...."
-->>I have that feeling on a regular basis. But then, I'm a parent of two teenagers.
What I like about your posts is that you talk about all the stuff going on, your interactions, your feelings, your reactions--and throughout it all, you're not drinking. What's missing is your recognition of how successfully you are adopting new patterns of behavior that are working. See? The alcohol isn't there; that's simple.
The other stuff is there, and you can deal with it. I found all the other stuff easier to deal with when my mind was clear, rather than drunk or hungover.
So actually, the sober stuff IS easy. The other stuff is complicated, maybe, but not TOO hard to deal with. Congratulations, and thanks for posting.