Csmcjewl

I can't voice stuff like that. It's kinda like everyone know's my homelife was pretty screwed up but no one would ever imagine how screwed up ya know? I mean, there are rumors that my dad may have molested me. My mom told me that a few years ago like it was just side converation. I mean, that changed my life! There's no way to ever know because my dad will never admit anything I'm sure. So, I get a life of wonder. I mean, my mom even took me to the doctor to make sure he hadn't raped me when I was 4! Thing is...when I tell people stories like this they all hate my dad and then like...if anyone is anything other than nice to him he gets pissed off and then I'm all in the middle and I hate that. I hate conflict of any kind and I end up just smoothing things back out to get them normal again because I just can't take it. I can't take facing stuff like that and I don't know if I ever will. I hope so. I hope this probgram can help me deal with that and maybe even show my parents who think they were so perfect bringing my brother and me up that, ya know...parts of my childhood were really good. I mean, a lot of it was good but, there was underlying things that just...won't let go of me. Anyways, I'm glad to be sober today....One day at time is definitly the way to go. I'm going to read the big book tonight and try to take my mind off things abit. I'm getting in way too deep tonight and I know I'm not ready for it in my present state. So, tonight is relax time. I'll probrably get up and go see Aaron into jail and hit the noon meeting. Things will be ok someday